The Unspoken Story Ep.3

 

At times I did wonder if my experiences were different to other people’s, but I just didn’t have the right words to articulate what was going on. The lack of accurate language meant years of misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment pathways.

I was first seen by a mental health team in early 2012, a month after my 16th birthday. However despite regular contact with various mental health teams it still took seven years until someone realised and acknowledged what I was experiencing. They saw that the symptoms didn’t match the words I was using. They took time to find out what was happening and finally gave me some words that fit my experiences. This not only meant that I gained insight but also meant that I could explain what was happening better. We will forever be grateful to those members of the crisis team that took the time to listen and hear. That validation and acceptance is important for anyone struggling with their mental health.

After this, I began to acknowledge the other members of my system and learn that any actions I make as an individual will impact the entire system. This awareness means I now know I need to make preparations for any eventuality each and every time I leave the house.

Years ago, I went to the pharmacy by myself to collect a prescription. When I arrived, I ended up switching to a young alter who was scared and didn’t know where she was. She ended up sitting in the pharmacy upset, as people walked past. Although she was a 4 year old in distress, because she was in the body of a 22 year old nobody stopped to see if she was okay or help her. In the end, thank goodness, my mum and sister found her and brought Us home. I have no doubts that if the body had appeared 4 at that time at least one person would have come over and tried to help that scared little girl crying all alone.

I felt guilty when I struggled with these things and felt like everyone else was clearly so much better at coping. I didn't want to draw attention to my ‘failings’.