The Unspoken Story Ep.1

 

2020 is the first year I have really spoken this openly about my SAD, as previously I was afraid to mention having my mental health affected by the seasons changing, that others just think it would be an excuse for being grumpy, or in ‘one of those moods’.

To finally stop all the self-stigmatising, to stop all of the behaviour that must look really odd to my work colleagues and friends, like making a strange excuse to rush outside for some precious vitamin D in a freezing wind with a winter sun.

Seasonal affective disorder is real, and can be a serious issue. January tends to be the worst time of year for me, as it gets colder, it’s still dark a lot of the time which is reflected within my mood. It isn’t only the feeling low in mood, it’s having a short fuse, sleeping problems, it’s the feeling of ‘do I really have to face the day again?’ on some mornings, opening the curtains to dark grey skies and heavy rain with an instant inner sigh. It’s the lacking in motivation, the knowing that no matter what you say, someone won’t ‘get’ it and will somehow find it funny or wind you up. It’s happened too many times where I’ve snapped at someone and instantly regretted it, or burst into tears over a single comment.

I find SAD really difficult to explain to others that have never had it or any other mental illness, because we all experience things differently.